Sunday, September 8, 2013

For me

OK, I know I haven't blogged in a while. Nobody will probably read this anyway but this is for me to get this off my chest since I wouldn't speak up in Relief Society.  It must be a blue moon or something so don't expect me to blog again for another year or 2.. ;) We had an interesting lesson in Relief Society today on Abuse. I know that this lesson was more for the Young Women in are ward probably more Sexual abuse. The abuse I am going to write about is Verbal Abuse.

My mom wore the pants in the family. What she said was the way it was gonna be. My mom was the one that disciplined me and my sister. She also was not very loving and said very hurtful things. I did not realize how much this hurt me until I got older and had kids of my own. I was told that I was fat and needed to go on a diet on a daily basis. Which was not true. My mom was the one who "wanted to diet" but didn't want to do it by herself. My dad was over weight and did not want to do it with her. So I think in her mind she thought well i will my already insecure daughter that she needs to lose weight. I remember one diet was drinking lemon water...??? I know, right. I also remember sneaking Oreo cookies on a daily basis. I did not need to diet but i did not want to stick up for myself in fear of getting beat with the belt. I am A LOT like mother. Which is scary because I hope I am not making my kids feel insecure. Their is a difference in being shy and insecure. My mom would always tell people that I was shy. When actually I had a fear of saying the wrong thing and she would hit or make fun of me. I am very sensitive to my children when they are scared to get up in church or class to read something or sing. I hope I am encouraging them and not making them feel worse. I have never hit my kids with a belt so that makes feel like I am not exactly like my mom. I have spanked them when they needed it. I have a problem pointing my finger at them while yelling at them. That is my mother..YIKES. Saying this stuff out loud is scary. I better not say to much more!

I remember my mom coming in to wake me up because the Tornado sirens were going off. But at the time  I really wasn't awake to understand what she was saying. So I went to the bathroom and then went back to bed. Next thing I know my mom comes in yelling why are you in your bed the sirens are going off get in the hallway and then a big slap in my face sure got me going. It sickens me that I have memories but not good memories. We had no traditions growing up. It is so hard being around people/friends who have these amazing relationships with their mothers and fun traditions. I have no idea where to start with starting a tradition because I don't have someone to follow. So maybe this explains a lot about me to those of that know me. You now know why I am the way that I am. I hope to over come my controlling issues and hope that I have not said anything hurtful or made someone feel insecure. I really try not to be around those that make me feel this way it just brings me down and reminds me of my childhood. I didn't have a bad childhood but if I could do it all over again I SO would. Now you know why I don't talk a lot of my childhood it consisted of groundings, beatings, and running away. I was a freshman in high school and I went to school with shorts on and my legs had bruises all over them and a friend asked me what happened I said oh me and my sister were horsing around and I fell off the bed. Apparently she did not by that. Next thing I was called into the guidance counselors office. YIKES that was scary. and to think that they were gonna call my parents. I was scared to death!! It happened to be right before Christmas break she didn't want to call over the holiday season. Which was good and bad all at the same time. I am not sure how long the break was but the day we went back to school and when I got home after mom got the call. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I was gonna pay dearly for this one. The only thing I remember is sitting at the dinner table and my dad asked how was your day? My mom says well I got call from the school and they told me I was a Child abuser!! My dad went crazy. After that incident there were hardly any beatings it was more verbally. There is no way I could have said all this in Relief Society without bawling and feeling insecure and people staring at me wouldn't of helped either..HA!! I just had to ge this off my chest and recognize it so I don't do it to my children. I will be praying more often for moments that I can help boost my kids self confidence as well as my own.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Journal ( Power of Prayer)

We are struggling to make ends meat lately. I know who isn't, right?! Thankfully I started a food storage back in January. It will probably be gone in a month if things keep going the way they are. BUT they won't, because I believe in the power of PRAYER.

I was trying to figure out what I could do to make some extra cash. To help take some of the burden off Nathan or atleast by the essentials I don't have in food storage. So I leaned on my Heavenly Father and my VT. I FB messaged them and asked them to please keep us your prayers especially Nathan's business. I also asked them to keep there eyes and ears open for any job, cleaning, babysitting, etc... That I could do.

No kidding the next day my friend who I helped clean H&R Block offices last tax season texted me and asked if I could help her this week. I felt sooo loved by my Heavenly Father. Also to know that he does hear my prayers. I HAD to let my VT know!!! I don't know yet if she will ask me again BUT it sure helped this week.

Roxanne remember this date FEB. 25 2013. You bought something in the JUNIOR section at Kohls....WHAT???? YES, you did!!! Your muffin top is diminishing. Thanks to a new workout. OH and also remember that the TWO shirts you bought 1 was $4.80 and the other was $2.40. By returning something that you didn't want you DID NOT pay anything out of pocket. That is sooo CRA, CRA!!!

Friday, June 22, 2012


I am in deep depression. Same thing over and over. Not feeling good enough wanting to do new things and fail at them or not having the money to even "TRY". Blah-Blah-Blah.......

But mostly the reason for the depression is, a very good friend is leaving and I just got word that another is leaving around the same time. Plus I know of another one who I know will be leaving but not sure when BUT it will be one of those spur of the moment moves. Which I think I like better rather than stewing about it. I am running out of friends! These 3 lovely ladies are ones I could go to and vent about anything to and they would not judge me. You an't find very many like that and I am losing 3 within a short period of time.

Why is it when people start moving away you feel as though nothing is going right in your life and you just want to move and start over!?! I am very happy for these girls and I will miss them dearly.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I HATE thinking of titles

I just had to write down the most awesome thing that happened. I got a called into Nursery last Sunday. Which normally I would hate because I am with kids ALLLLLLLL DAAAAYYYY loooooooonnnngggg!!!!!! So why is it awesome? Well back in December I was hearing that the Primary was having trouble looking for people to work in their. After hearing this I almost felt like I should volunteer. Especially, since Nate has gone in there he won't let me leave. But I decided it might be weird/wrong whatever you want to say to ask to be put in a calling. So I did nothing, everything would work out for them. After a couple of weeks went by I kinda felt some change was coming. My calling was "Enrichment board" except I am really not on the "board" I strictly deal with the Children's class for Enrichment. Finding sisters to help serve and getting the lesson prepared. Easy right? Well some months it is and others not. All in all pretty easy. So when I heard that Primary was having trouble finding people I was like "hey I could do it and I have always wanted 2 callings". So 2 Sundays ago I felt like I was coming down with something so I stayed home. Nathan texted me during church " Bro. Chu wants to talk with you :-)"!!! I immediatley new what the calling was going to be. But of course mine own anxieties took over I had a whole week stew about I mean every single day I had some sort of anxiety attack over it its not that then its this, or maybe its this. But how can I do that I will have to SPEAK in front of people. No it can't be that. Finally Sunday came I had to be there early and since church is at 9am now I didn't sleep very well thinking I was going to not wake up in time. Well I ended up not getting enough sleep due to the fact that my oldest decided to hurl "ALL OVER THE FLOOR". Took an half an hour to clean it up. Anyways, made it there and met with Bro. Chu I almost new what he was going to say that I almost said "yes" before he asked me. He offered the call to me and I of course said "yes". It's perfect I can be with Nate and I have 2 callings. That is the most AWESOME thing that happened to me.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Season Greetings

Ladies first is what I try to teach my boys. Sometimes it works sometimes it DOESN'T!!! lAlexis (aka Lexi) turned 10 back in October and enjoys the 4th grade. She has the same teacher that Dylan had in the 4th grade. She is wonderful! She is in Math club. She still doesn't like Math but she like the club part I think. She is a very active girl and verrrry competitive. She has started to like helping me in the kitchen especially baking cookies and Nate adores her!

Gabi 5 yrs. old in the 1st grade. Has the same teacher Zach had in the 1st grade. Gabi loves the idea of school but the actual "school" part not so much. She is learning her sight words and some math skills and continues do strive to get better in reading.

Dylan just turned 12 yrs. old. He is in the 6th grade and loves his teacher. Apparently he think she is the coolest 6th grade teacher. His grades are AWESOME still working to get better in Math other than that he loves Science and Social Studies. He will soon pass the Sacrament. *tear* He is such good babysitter too.

Zach turned 8 yrs old and was baptized on Nov. 5th. Sorry I have no pictures from the day. (I am horrible mom) He is in the 2nd grade. I love his teacher she is so good with the kids and Zach is always willing to perform is best for her. He picks up on things quickly and loves spelling.

Max is 3 yrs old mommy's helper and Nate's BFF. He likes Lightning McQueen, of course who doesn't. He can't wait to go to preschool. He can almost spell his name. Always singing his ABCs. Which in turn teaches Nate as well.

Nate 18 months old. NOT ready for nursery. Why would I expect him to be, it's not like my other ones liked it either. Words he can sorry, bye bye, hi, mommy, daddy, Zach, Max, uh-oh, doggie, hug, fishy, cookie, snack, juice, thank you, excuse me (after he burps). He is such fun little man and his smile can make you melt!
Doesn't this picture make you smile!

Nathan has retired from teaching at the College. His Chiropractic office is going well and the beginning of the year he will have 2 other doctors working with him and maybe a couple of Massage Therapists. I am so happy that he is starting to do what he wants do with is practice and not his dad's. I am sure this will make him happier.

I have caught the crafty bug well my crafty is very, very simple. But at least I am trying, right?

From our family to yours may your Christmas be filled with joy, family, gratitude, most of all LOVE.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

35 and still young

I turned the BIG 35. Which really is not old. I am just getting started...LOL!! It really was such a fun day. That day happened to be Super Saturday. I got to do crafting in the morning which if I am in the mood and if its easy enough I rather enjoy it. THEN Jenny surpised me and we went off to get pedicures. That was much needed. I just wish I would have shaved my legs...LOL!! You know I really didnt care that this lady was touching my hairy leg BUT If it would have been 5 years ago I would have NOT got it done. I would have been soooo embarrassed. So THANK YOU Jenny Staggs for such a wonderful gift. You are such a good friend and I would do anything for you. Then for dinner we ate at Pizza Shoppe with the Forreds, Staggs, and Fosters. Where Christal gave a gift card to me for QT. You might think that is a weird gift. But it really isn't. She is helping me feed my addictions to 32 oz. Pepsi's....LOL!!!! Just kidding.... no I am not....THANK YOU Christal!!! Your the best!! I dont know what I would do with out your friendship. We then went bowling. Which I love to BOWL!! I grew up bowling and I was on a league until we moved here. It was soooo much fun!! OH and I kicked their BUTTS!!! LOL!! They should make bowling a sport!!!

It was such a fun day AND I want to get on a league now so I can do it weekly. Anyone want to join me? You have to be good....hahahahah!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Time Out For Women

This was an amazing weekend. I have heard good things about TOFW. I was so glad I was able to go. And experience it with ALL these lovely sisters. It was so good to see Kim Wilstead again and to see other friends that have moved into another ward.

I can't remember the name of the lady that is pictured in the collage but she was my favorite speaker. I especially enjoyed her because she didn't teach us or read from a piece of paper. I love that, she has an awesome talent!

Jericho Road was pretty good too. I had never heard of them. I hope to buy some of there CDs soon.

Look at the 3 cute ladies ALL in grey. This happened all by chance. But I think "great minds think alike"!

TOFW is not coming to the KC area next year the closest they are coming is St. Louis.


read on to the next post!